Self-Love Isn’t Doing More — It’s Releasing the Mental Load
Around Valentine’s Day, self-love is often framed as something we do:
Do the routine. Do the reset. Do the work on yourself.
But for many people—especially in winter, during burnout, or while navigating ADHD, mental health challenges, recovery, caregiving, or grief—doing more is the last thing that feels loving.
Real self-love often looks like the opposite.
It looks like releasing the mental load. What self-love is not
Let’s start here.
Self-love is not:
catching up on everything you’ve fallen behind on
fixing your home before you’re “allowed” to rest
pushing through exhaustion to prove you’re capable
becoming a “better version” of yourself
If self-care feels like another task on your list, it’s not care — it’s pressure.
The hidden weight of mental load
Mental load is the invisible work we carry:
remembering what needs to be done
holding unfinished decisions
managing expectations (ours and everyone else’s)
noticing what’s out of place — constantly
And it often shows up in our homes as:
piles we avoid
rooms we close the door on
clutter that feels emotionally heavy
guilt attached to objects
When your mental load is high, organization feels harder—not because you’re failing, but because your brain is already overloaded.
Why winter makes this heavier
Winter slows everything down.
energy drops
motivation fluctuates
emotions feel closer to the surface
But the pressure to “reset,” “get back on track,” or “be productive” doesn’t disappear.
That mismatch creates shame.
And shame is the opposite of self-love.
Self-love looks like releasing expectations
One of the most loving things you can do is declutter expectations.
Especially these:
“I should have more energy by now.”
“My home shouldn’t look like this.”
“I should be able to handle this.”
Self-love sounds more like:
“What would make today easier?”
“What can wait?”
“What support would help right now?”
You don’t need to earn rest by finishing everything first.
Self-love vs. self-pressure
Here’s a simple way to tell the difference:
Self-pressure says:
“I’ll rest after I catch up.”
“Why can’t I keep up like everyone else?”
“I should be better by now.”
Self-love says:
“I’m allowed to go slowly.”
“This season is heavy.”
“I don’t have to fix everything today.”
One leads to burnout.
The other creates space to breathe.
A gentle practice (for Self-Love Day or any day)
Instead of adding another self-care task, try this:
The Expectation Release (2 minutes)
Write down one “should” you’ve been carrying.
Ask: Is this helping me right now?
Give yourself permission to release it — just for today.
Optional bonus:
Pair this with a 5-minute reset in one tiny space (a single surface, one drawer, one bag), then stop.
That’s self-love.
Not grand. Not performative.
Just kind.
You are not behind
If Valentine’s Day feels tender, quiet, lonely, heavy, or simply ordinary—that’s okay.
Self-love isn’t about how your life looks.
It’s about how supported you feel inside it.
You don’t need to do more to deserve care.
You already do.
